The Expectation

On the day Lil’ Will was born there were a lot of thoughts running through my mind. Will he be healthy? Will I be able to raise him? What will he become? I held him in my arms and all I could think about at that moment was I love him. I promised him that I would care for him, protect him and provide for him. I looked him in the eyes and I was proud to have my son in my arms. Like most fathers I had dreams for him, I had a destiny for him, I thought about what he would accomplish.
As I stated in the introduction all of my expectations of the new life in my arms came crashing down hours after he was born. I recall when the doctor came and told us the news about Lil Will I wept on the inside. I wept because I was not sure how I was going to raise Lil Will and what challenges came along with his condition in short I felt inadequate as a father. I picked Will up in my arms and I prayed over him. I gave him back to God while at the same time needing wisdom and comfort on how to cope with our son and our situation.

There is an expectation placed upon a man to be strong. Strong in the sense of show no emotions, internalize fears and private thoughts, and to display a hard outer shell while on the inside you are soft and fragile and turning to mush.

There are two expectations when it comes to being a man. One expectation is what your immediate environment dictates, what your upbringing instilled, and what you expect of yourself. The other expectation is what God desires of you and what He wants for you.

While going through this time in life with Lil Will I was able to stand because this one thought was brought to the forefront of my thinking.

Love God with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength. Why? Because before I am anything to anyone I am first His son. Even though I am a man there are times the little boy in me cries out for my Father and in every situation whether it is good or bad He has been there.

Rom 8:14 For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God.
Rom 8:15 For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.


Our success in life will totally depend on one thing. That one thing is our relationship to God the Father through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Introduction

On December 28, 2008, William Thomas Myers-Carlisle was born to me and my wife Sequita. All through her pregnancy there were no signs of complications, but on December 28th, 2008 at 6:45am, Lil Will entered the world at 6 pound 11 ounces, at first glance there was nothing wrong with him. I held him in my arms and we heard his first cry. Thirty minutes after Lil Will was born, the nurse noticed that he was not getting sufficient oxygen saturation, so he was taken to the neonatal intensive care unit. From there everything started going down hill. The doctor came back with an initial report that Lil Will had signs of Downs Syndrome, then some time later the doctor came back with news that he had Pulmonary Arterial Hypertension, this is a condition that affects the blood flow and oxygen flow to the lungs. Then the report came that he had heart issues. On the right side of his heart he had a hole in his upper chamber and a hole in the lower chamber. A few days later his kidneys failed. At this point my wife and I are in shock and we were in for a ride of a lifetime.

I created his blog in conjunction with the blogspot we created to journal our experience together with Lil Will. That blogspot is located at http://www.lilwills.blogspot.com/. His mother maintain this blog most of the time. In this blog, my desire is to give men insight of this journal from a husband and father's point of view. My hope is this blog will touch the lives of men who have suffered the loss of their children or a loved one. My view will come from that of a hurting husband and father, but it will always end up in hope, faith and love.

I must note that I am a man of God and a son of God through faith in Christ Jesus. Not only will you get a view through my eyes of anxiety and fear, but you will also see how my Heavenly Father walked with my through each and every stage of this journey. Welcome to Lil' Will's dad journey as I share my heart and my faith. I hope that every man that reads these postings are blessed. Please feel free to post and ask questions or email. My email address is www.lilwillsdad@aol.com.