Time with Lil Will

For the past two weeks Sequita and I have taken time to get up in the morning and have family devotion. I ask the Lord for a scripture and Sequita gets the song and then we pray together. Well Saturday, August 22nd was a special day for us because we spent our devotion time at Will's grave site. Here are the scriptures that were given to me.

I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die shall live. And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die. John 11:25,26

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnessess let us lay aside every weight and sin which so easily ensnares us and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2

These were my thoughts as I journaled in the family journal:

Lord, knowing that you are the resurrection and the life gives me confidence and assurance that Lil Will is alive and well in your presence and with the other saints that have went on before us. While we are still on this earth we will run this race and not allow anything to hold us back. I know among the witnesses that surround us is our heavenly family, especially Lil Will. Son, thank you for being obedient unto the Father and fulfilling your assignment. We miss you and we know that you are with us in the Spirit. We will continue to fulfill the mission that God has given us. I know you see the impact God has caused by your life. To God be the glory in all that he has done.

If you are not already doing it. I encourage you to spend some devotional time with the Lord and your family. Get a family journal and write out what is on your heart and allow the Lord to minister to you. You will find healing in His words and in His presence. We do every morning.

How long do you mourn?

Mourn means to feel or experience grief or sorrow. If there is a loss or separation from someone there will be moments of mourning, the question is how long should it last? I believe each individuals mourning time varies. There are times I think about Lil Will and I feel grief or sorrow but I discovered that there is an end to it. I can tell you that there is not a day that I do not think about him or when I travel down a certain highway or road my thoughts drift toward looking in his eyes or the smile on his face, but there is an end to the effects of mourning. What do I mean by that? I mean grief or sorrow should not last continually because eventually it will take a toll on our emotions and on the way we think. There is a way to transform mournful emotions and thoughts to joy, it is called choice. The one thing we have to keep in mind is there is a beginning and an end to things in the natural. The only one who really knows the beginning and end of those natural things is God.

Ecc 3:1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
Ecc 3:2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
Ecc 3:3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
Ecc 3:4 A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
Ecc 3:5 A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
Ecc 3:6 A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
Ecc 3:7 A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
Ecc 3:8 A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
Ecc 3:9 What profit hath he that worketh in that wherein he laboreth?
Ecc 3:10 I have seen the travail, which God hath given to the sons of men to be exercised in it.
Ecc 3:11 He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end.

We have a choice to make when we understand that there is a beginning and end to natural things. It is quite healthy to mourn because there is a time for this but then we must choose to believe God in every situation. For example my son Lil Will, there was an appointed time for him to be born and an appointed time for him to die in the natural. Truth is he is not dead, he is eternally connected to his Heavenly Father, he is eternally connected to his Heavenly Brother Jesus by the eternal Holy Spirit. This is the truth! So while I may have mournful moments, I know my son Lil Will ever lives and when my natural time is up our true time will be eternal. We are able to transform mourning into joy by believing God.

A fight with fear

On May 4, 2009 at 9:29pm. I was sitting in the parking lot of a pizza place with my wife. While we were sitting there a rush of fear came over me about Lil Will. I did not mention anything to my wife about it and I wasn't going to pray about it but I had to do something, so I asked God what was this. He said, "Stay focused son. The enemy wants to undermine your faith. You are the strongman. If he cane get you off balance or take you out, it will cause a ripple effect throughout your household. Remember, call to mind the things I have spoken to you."

Later that night I emailed two of my closest friends and share my thoughts and emotions about what I was experiencing. It is always good to have at least two friends who know you but what is most important that they know God. I have discovered that a man can have friends but not the kinds of friends that will help you stand in your times of weakness. I have two friends who are as different as day and night but they have hearts after God and I knew when I reached out to them that I would get a Godly answer. A godly answer don't necessarily mean a answer that you will agree with or one that will appease the emotions, but it is an answer that will cause you to stand in faith, no matter what you see or what you hear. Godly answers are eternally true.

You may not have friends like I'm speaking about or you are the kind of man who is an introvert. When you are going through hard times and you don't know what to do or fear has gripped you, pray. Not only pray but begin to write in a journal to God about your concerns and look for him to respond to you.

I think about Lil Will alot

I have been a little busy for the last few days. It has kept my mind occupied for the most part. The times that I have been by myself I think about him. I wonder sometimes if I had been there would he still be here. I miss him so much. I know that he is alright and he don't have to wrestle with the physical discomfort, but sometimes I think of him and his smile and I weep on the inside.

I thought about King David when his first born was sick and he was told that the child was going to die. He did not give up hope. He prayed and fasted for seven days and to no avail his child still died, but his faith and his hope did not stop there. When they came and told him that his child died, he got up and continue on with his life on earth. This confused his men because of how mournful David was while the child was still living. Once the child died David hope did not die with the child. His world did not come crashing down on him. He simply stated, his son can not come to him but he will be able to go to his son. David's hope went past death, so I am strenghten by what the Lord showed me in this man. My hope is in Christ and that hope goes past death and the grave.